It's a Number's Game, One I don't Want to Play...

Well, This blog entry is one that I've not admitted to anyone other than a friend that works at the doctor's office I got my information from. This blog entry is complete and utter humiliation for me, but it's one that hopefully will be one that won't be so embarrassing when I get to where I am going--for for the record, I am not even sure where that is yet.

I am one that can't do numbers. I get into my own head and it messes with me big time. SO, Yes, May 1st, 2013 my Friend Jennifer and I teamed up to start working out together, but yet I didn't know what weight I was starting at. I didn't want to know. It would have set me back instead of inspire me so back in February, the 12th to be exact, I went to the doctor for strep throat. I wouldn't even look at the scale. That's how against numbers I am. I know that May 1st I was very near, give or take very little, but I knew I was very near the February 12th weight of....OH MY GOSH! I cannot believe I am about to share this number with the world--well, of course that's providing that the world is reading my blog, OH, I am stalling right...Ok, ok, ok....I was very near the very incredibly embarrassing weight of...UGH, 258.2 lbs. WOW! If typing that isn't the first step of acknowledging a problem then I don't know what is! :(

Below is a picture of myself from 2.25.13.

I am using this picture because it is the nearest to the date of that disgusting number.

 

I will post some more pictures that I have now and that are what I have to date and then the next post and on will be what I take after. I can see the biggest difference in my neck and face. I will also add now that on 5.23.13 I broke my own rule of not weighing in and was SO DISAPPOINTED! I was only down 5 lbs for a weight of 253 lbs. That is why I HATE NUMBERS! I have been working my butt off for a 5 lb difference! :( I had honestly hoped to see at least double digits. I felt, well, I still feel good and that really let the wind out of my sails. That's for sure.

 

Then, I have a twin sister and I don't talk to her, but she is my Facebook friend and I follow her on Instagram. She posted that she started Body by Vi 10 days ago and was already down her first 10 lbs....I got jealous. It hurt my feelings. She has always been skinnier and she has always been prettier than me. Yes, we are twins, but we are pretty much night and day. I really started feeling sorry for myself and that is why I started this blog too. So that, IF, she started her weight loss journey because I had been posting pictures and braggin on myself...which I shouldn't have done because God doesn't want us to be boastful, then there won't be a competition IF there was one to begin with. Mine will be done privately and then I can be proud when people just notice a change. I am excited for someone to say, "Wow! You look great! How'd you do it"? I am excited to be able to say, "I worked my butt off"! I won't be able to say I popped some pills or took my meals away. That is for my satisfaction, not to knock her or anyone else that does those things either.

 

Another number problem...My time and my distance. I have been stuck at 18 minute miles with my walking. At the beginning of the week, Jennifer and I FINALLY beat that 18 minute mile and did it in 17:31!!!!!! You're probably saying 29 seconds???? You're exited about that?! YES! YES I AM! It hurt so bad! I don't know about Jennifer, but I wanted to cry! BUT MAN DID IT FEEL GOOD! (But it hurt)! ;)

 

These are the reason's that numbers are the devil. I couldn't even begin to tell you what my measurements are and to tell you the truth--those numbers won't be happening. Any inches will have to be noticed over the course of time via picture updates. :)

 

Now, Onto those pictures I mentioned before.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what I have for now. Tomorrow is June 1st and Jennifer and I agreed earlier in May that on the first of every month we would start doing 360 degree body pics. I'll post them when I get them taken. :)

 

 

 

 





A Title with a Meaning...

"It Feels Good, but Really it Hurts".

 

This, being the title of a weight loss blog, is pretty self explainitory. When I work out, I push myself really hard and I am in some serious pain, but yet to date, it still feels good. It's the accomplishment that makes the proudest. It's the accomplishment that is what feels so good. That really trumps the pain to be honest. Kinda like giving birth to a child--it hurts. It hurts so bad that you wonder how in the world you will be able to finish, but then, the doctor hands you your beautiful new baby and in an instant, that pain is no longer what is on your mind. You are in awe at how far you have come and you are instantly reaping the rewards of your hard work. Exercise doesn't give you an immediate award that you can hug and kiss, but let me tell you, if that feeling of accomplishment was tangible--I'd love it up like nobody's business. LOL! 



The Low Down

Since you are reading this blog, that probably means that I have told you directly about it. Welcome. :)
So, here's what this is about. The very first week in April of 2013, I decided that I would no longer be a smoker. I turned 31 years old in December and I am morbidly obese and I just really felt like I needed to take a good, long hard look at my priorities and get them in order. I am a mother. Every single time I lit up, I was SHOWING my daughter that it is OK to smoke. REALLY?! Really! If you know me at all, you know that my ENTIRE LIFE is my beautiful daughter. WHY IN THE WORLD would I show her and teach her that it is OK to do something that will kill her? Because I am stupid, that is why! SO, I decided to not be stupid anymore.

I said to myself, I wonder if I can....quit smoking. I decided, and I have to pause here to look up the date, Ok, Friday, April 5th, 2013, I woke up and decided it would be a smoke free day! I asked my husband and my daughter to please be forgiving of me as I made this change in my life. I assumed, and I was correct, that I would not be the most pleasant person to be around. I used smoking as my stress reliever. I used smoking as my was to pull myself back together. (Doesn't that just SOUND ignorant)?! SHEESH! I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to help me make this change. I knew that there was absolutely no way that I could do this alone. I also told myself that the devil would, without a shadow of a doubt show his ugly face in this journey and I asked God to stand with me because we all know that we can't face the devil alone and be successful. BOY WAS I RIGHT! UGH!

Day 1 and Day 2: I was SO irritable. I was SO moody. I was SO unpleasant. (sorry)
Day 3: Not too bad. Honestly thought, this is WAY too easy.
Day 4: My 8 yr old daughter's, My daughter's name is Bayleigh if you happen to not already know and my husband is Larry. There, that will make writing easier. Anyways, day 4, her dog got sick.
Day 5: THE DOG DIED! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! My first thought was that I can't believe the devil would tempt me so early on. Thanks for killing my kid's dog--JERK! Ok, Ok, Ok, the dog ended up getting Parvo, but I am still blaming the devil.
Day 6 and On: I knew that once I survived days 4 and 5 without cheating at all, that I was doing very well and that my simple question of I wonder if I can was turning into, WOW, I can't believe I am!

Here it is day number... I don't really know because it's been so long at this point, I consider myself a nonsmoker, but if you really want to do the math--today is May 31st, 2013, and I am still going strong.

The key element of my quitting came though with simply walking out my cravings. Crazy? Well, I think not. A big reason I didn't quit sooner was everyone told how they gain weight when they quit. Well, I don't have room to gain weight. I am HUGE already. So, when I would crave, I would go hop on the treadmill and just walk until the craving had gone. It worked! I mean, why not? I didn't want to gain so why not exercise it out. Since I was so successful so quickly with quitting, I was on the treadmill and I was feeling really proud, not gonna lie, and here comes the I wonder if I can....RUN?! I DID! I COULD! WHAT?! I KNOW!

THEN, came the, I wonder if I can...lose weight?! Well, now this is where the problems are coming in. :(

There was no way I was going to diet or try to lose weight and quit smoking at the same time. I know me. That would be me setting myself up for failure. One thing at a time is how I am, but now I was ready. :)
Since deciding to do this, I would walk nightly and even during the day when I got the chance on the treadmill and to be honest, I was doing great. I would add running into my routine, which I still, even to this day, can't believe I am doing...not doing well, but regardless, I am doing it. SO, here comes another journey!

I am going to stop there for now. This blog is ultimately going to be my weight loss journal. It is for me. It is not a tool for anyone to judge me or make fun of me or even to be competitive with me. This is for me and only me. I ask this, if you wish to follow this blog please do so by respecting my wishes. Please, don't be negative...as I am sure you will figure out in time, I am negative enough for all of us. I need support. I need to be held accountable for myself so this is what I am using this blog for. My next entry, that I know will post above this, will be the start of this journey. Check back very soon!
Jennifer